


There's No Plumber, and Therefore No Princess

by ropememory



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: inception_kink, Dragons, F/M, Gen, Knights - Freeform, Princes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-14
Updated: 2011-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-26 01:51:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ropememory/pseuds/ropememory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ariadne's a knight, Robert's a prince and dragons are slain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's No Plumber, and Therefore No Princess

**Author's Note:**

> For [this prompt](http://inception-kink.livejournal.com/19632.html?thread=47947184#t47947184) at inception_kink. Concrit is more than welcome.

The thing about being a knight is that sometimes people get a bit _confused_ when Ariadne opens the door.

"Oh." The page looks from the parchment in his hand to the number above the door and back to Ariadne. "I think I have the wrong house."

Ariadne rolls her eyes. "Is that a quest?"

The page hesitates. "Yes, but, I'm looking for a most virtuous knight..."

"I'll make sure it gets to the right person," Ariadne says, holding out her hand for the parchment.

When the page continues to hesitate, Ariadne just takes it out of his hand before shooing him away and slamming the door. Once her eyes have readjusted to the inside light, she unrolls the parchment and starts walking towards the desk full of maps of the surrounding lands.

It's a standard request from a far-off land looking for a knight to rescue an enchanted royal heir, it's just the details that change. Locked in the highest tower? Check. Dragon standing in the way? Double check. Large sum of money and/or marriage for a successful rescue? Triple check. Ariadne looks up where the heir is being held--Proclus City--and then charts the quickest route. At the very least, upon a safe return, she'll get the funds to start building a terrace off the back of her house.

\--

The journey is long, but the weather is pleasant and Ariadne's horse is well trained, so it goes pretty smoothly. Of course, because quests to save captured heirs can _never_ go smoothly, Ariadne encounters a Problem That Must Be Dealt With (or maybe that's just Ariadne's life. Sometimes getting feed for the horse and wood for various building projects turns into quite the adventure, with bewitched nails chasing after shopkeepers or sheep breaking out from their pen).

"Do you want to cross my bridge?" The man standing in Ariadne's way asks.

Ariadne resists the urge to pull out her sword and put on her helmet, just to get the man out of the way in the most efficient manner possible. Maiming or possibly killing potentially innocent bystanders doesn't exactly allow Ariadne to maintain her virtuous knight status.

"Yes," Ariadne replies. "I want to cross your bridge."

"Then I need you to draw me a maze," the man says.

Ariadne sighs. Why can the challenges on her quests never involve fun things, like chopping an apple up on someone's head with her sword?

"But not just _any_ maze," the man continues, pulling out a time piece filled with sand. "It needs to be a maze that takes two minutes to draw and one minute to solve."

Ariadne wishes the roadblocks on her quests would favor a little less thinking, but she gets off her horse and digs out some parchment and a writing tool.

The man's solemn, staring at her, probably just waiting for her to fail. But she's a knight, with a trusty horse and a lot of money stockpiled up, so she's had the time and money to read up on all sorts of interesting conundrums.

"I'll be charitable," the man says as Ariadne gets ready to start, "and will give you three chances."

"Just start the timer," Ariadne replies, and starts to draw.

The man stays in front of the bridge, but he keeps shuffling over to try and peak at what Ariadne's drawing. And then, when the last grain of sand falls and Ariadne's time is up, he nearly runs over to Ariadne, gleeful.

Ariadne shows him the parchment and his glee slides away, replaced with dejection. "You may pass," he says.

Ariadne smirks and gets back on her horse.

\--

Ariadne can see a castle in the skyline up ahead, and knows she's getting close to her destination. She'd spur her horse onwards, but night's coming and the food's been running low, so she thinks sleeping is probably the better option. Besides, if there really is a dragon guarding the castle, she's going to need to be as well rested as possible.

She makes camp for the night, and falls asleep imagining the new addition to her house, support beams traced with the help of the stars.

\--

When morning comes, Ariadne makes a quick breakfast for herself while her horse eats. Once that's done, she puts on the armor--helmet and all--and climbs on. She's got a royal heir to save today.

An advantage of traveling in the morning is that it's cooler in the armor, but when she gets to the castle, there will probably be fire and stairs and not even the weather will be comforting.

It doesn't take long for the castle, and the dragon, to come into view. Determined to get this over as quickly as possible, Ariadne urges her horse to go faster and meet the dragon head-on. She's got an heir to save, after all.

\--

The dragon isn't easily disposed of, but Ariadne and her horse have done this enough times that they have a _routine._ They charge forward, Ariadne crouching on the saddle, sword poised to strike at the dragon's leg, and then just as the dragon is getting ready to scorch them, they veer off course and Ariadne rolls off and underneath the dragon, her horse turning and running away from the castle. As the dragon focuses on her retreating horse, Ariadne works her way to the tail so that she can climb up the dragon's back.

It's hard climbing in the armor, especially since the dragon is moving and trying to find her to turn her into dinner, but Ariadne manages. It takes just a carefully placed stabbing to kill the dragon, but then Ariadne has to ride out the death spasms, until the dragon falls to the ground, stirring up dirt.

Ariadne's beginning to think she should start trading in dragon hide, considering her kill count. There's no time to really ponder that, though, because Ariadne has a tower to climb.

\--

"Oh princess!" Ariadne calls as she opens the door at the top of the tower. "I've come to save you and return you to your kingdom."

"I think," the person in the room replies, "that your princess is in another castle."

"Crap," Ariadne says, lifting up the faceplate on the helmet. "Are you not from the land of Fischer-Morrow?"

The person--and he's a _man_ and that just doesn't make sense, they're _never_ men--laughs. "Oh, I'm from there, all right. But, as you can see, I'm not a princess."

Ariadne wishes she had the parchment sending her on the quest so that she could check and see what she might have missed, but it's with her horse and he's outside.

"So...I'm supposed to save you?" Ariadne asks.

The man shrugs. "Probably."

"Great! Let's go. I'm sure they'll be excited to have you back." Ariadne turns to head back down the stairs.

"One problem." Ariadne turns back around. "I don't _want_ to go back. Plus, there's some magic barrier that doesn't let me leave the room."

Ariadne sighs. She's a _knight,_ not a magician, but she's done this enough to know that a dead dragon usually means a lifted curse. Unless of course the princess was _asleep._ Then Ariadne had to do a little bit of kissing. "How about you just...follow me out the door, and then we can deal with the other problem."

The man looks uncertain, but Ariadne's patient enough to stare at him until he starts walking.

"I don't even know your name," he says as he walks past Ariadne and down the stairs.

"And I don't know yours and there's really no reason to change that," Ariadne replies. She's just in this for the paycheck, after all. Well, maybe the paycheck _and_ the adventure.

\--

Ariadne's horse is waiting for them at the dragon's head, patient and well-trained. Ariadne mounts the horse with ease, before turning to look at the heir.

"Hop on," Ariadne says. There's some hesitation, and Ariadne's about to poke him with her sword, but with a sigh he gets on the horse, settling behind Ariadne. "Hold on." With a prod to her horse, they're headed off, towards the Land of Fischer-Morrow.

They ride in silence for awhile, until the sun starts setting, before the man says something. "My name's Robert."

Ariadne holds off her first response. "Nice to meet you, Robert" is what she says, because she's still got a three day journey to deal with and long journeys are much more pleasant when the royalty isn't complaining.

"You're not taking me home, are you?" Robert asks. "Because, like I told you back in the castle, I don't want to."

"Well, either you ride back with me, or you run off and starve. Up to you, really," Ariadne replies.

Robert's quiet, after that.

\--

"I could just... stay with you, wherever it is you live," Robert says the next morning as they're packing up camp.

"Can you do anything useful?" Ariadne asks. "Because looking pretty doesn't really make money."

Robert's mouth opens and closes a few times, like he wants to say something but doesn't know how to. Ariadne takes that as a _no_ and gets on the horse.

\--

"I could learn how to do something useful," Robert says after they've been riding long enough for the sun to be directly above them.

"What's so bad about home, anyway?" Ariadne asks. The princesses were much more grateful to be getting home and away from Ariadne.

Ariadne feels Robert shrug. "It just is."

Neither of them say much after that.

\--

"I'm trying to build a terrace," Ariadne says on day three of their journey. "And I was planning on using the reward money from a successful rescue-- _your_ successful rescue--to do it."

"There will be other rescues," Robert says.

"I know," Ariadne replies. She's the best knight around, so there's never a shortage of rescues for her. But still. The terrace designs have been languishing on her desk for _months._

"I _really_ don't want to go back. I'm sure there's something I could do."

Ariadne sighs. Maybe Robert can do all the housework she puts off or doesn't have time for. It would be nice to come back from weeks or months of travelling and not have to worry about spoiled food and getting to the market before it closes. "Fine. But only because you're pretty."

Robert laughs. "At least it's good for something."


End file.
